The Unforgiven III

My imzadi sent me this song today, as she was stuck with it in her head...

How could he know this new dawn's light

Would change his life forever?

Set sail to sea but pulled off course

By the light of golden treasure.

Was he the one causing pain

With his careless dreaming?

Been afraid, always afraid

Of the things he's feeling.

He could just be gone

He would just sail on!

He'll just sail on...

How can I be lost,

If I've got nowhere to go?

Search for seas of gold

How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost

In remembrance I relive

And how can I blame you

When it's me I can't forgive?

These days drift on inside a fog

It's thick and suffocating

This seeking life, outside it's hell

Inside intoxicating.

He's run aground like his life

Water much too shallow

Slipping fast, down with the ship

Fading in the shadows.

Now a castaway

Blame all gone away!

Blame gone away...

How can I be lost,

If I've got nowhere to go?

Search for seas of gold

How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost

In remembrance I relive

And how can I blame you

When it's me I can't forgive?

[3x]

Forgive me

Forgive me not

Forgive me

Forgive me, why can't I forgive me?!

Set sail to sea but pulled off course

By the light of golden treasure.

How could he know this new dawn's light

Would change his life forever?

How can I be lost,

If I've got nowhere to go?

Search for seas of gold

How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost

In remembrance I relive

And how can I blame you

When it's me I can't forgive?

I'm still not in the mood, or better, it has aggravated a little more. Even still I replied that;

""Forgive me, why can't I forgive me?!" I do forgive you. how could I not, my goal in your life was to make you happy, safe and loved, if i've failed that, if i wasn't good enough, it's okay, now i see it, and i have no regrets or sorrows... i just want you to be fine... i've learned to give up for love, i love you so i give up up in order for you to be truly happy and full. No tears, no pain, at least no more than the necessary one. Just smile imzadi, be happy…"

Honestly, I had forgiven her, so in my eyes it is alright for her to do the same with her. Hell, I even forgave myself for all the craps I've done for years, for all the pain I caused in numerous situations, but it's not easy, it took me a long, long time to be at ease with my mistakes, but I got there, so I hope that she eventually gets there too.

Anyway, today it's the day that's she are going away, so I believe that's the reason of my mood, after all I've been in a crappy memory lane spin all day long. It's stupid but I'm currently feeling loss, and it's stupid 'cause how can I feel that if i already lost her long time ago, or better, i never had her in the first place. But hey, if you're a regular reader of this posts you might already know that's the way I coop with my situations, so this is no different.

Today I refuse to cry, I've been down that road all day long, but I'm really afraid my return home tonight and feel a vacated house... I dunno, but I really need to sleep and rest and Hell, return to life... 'cause today I feel myself more dead than alive...