(Re)pensamentos em Pêlo

Nestes últimos dias, ando a fazer algo que não deveria... pensar... ou melhor repensar, na vida, neste meu espaço online, em ti, e provavelmente em ti também, mas isso não importa agora pois também, não é nada para falar aqui neste meu espaço, pois é algo do meu foro privado (e sim, agora tenho disso). 

Mas vá, continuando, nestes repensamentos decidi, voltar a essência desta nova versão deste meu cantinho no éter do cyberespaço pois aqui estou Skyclad que significa literalmente, "nu, em pêlo", e como tal está na hora de fazer algumas mudanças e ajustes de atitude pois isto ta uma valente bagunçada...

Tirando isso, ando também a ver se compilo os textos antigos das ficções "Sacavém by Night" e "Sombras do Dia", ou melhor, até que já os compilei, mas algo não me está a soar bem, e como tal, apagar tudo e voltar a pensar noutra coisa... como por exemplo fazer uma compilação de todas as histórias por ordem cronológica num só livro...

E isto é o que tenho estado a tentar fazer, dando-lhe o titulo provisório de "Ultimo Refugio: Uma Amalgama de Historias (Volume I)", mas ainda não sei, ainda está tudo numa fase muito embrionária, logo-se vê no que isto vai dar, pois como já referi varias vezes, só irei lançar ao publico o meu primeiro livro no próximo Dezembro, ou seja ainda tenho meio ano, para pensar, escrever e editar antes desse projecto ver a luz do dia numa livraria (online) perto de ti, que lês este blog.

"Um homem nunca deve sentir vergonha de admitir que errou, o que é apenas dizer, noutros termos, que hoje ele é mais inteligente do que era ontem."

Moonwalker

Gazing back at my life...

What if I could undone it, do I repent it?

Some days I do, some other I don't...

I don't see the purpose of that,

The past is the past, but if...

If I could do it all again... 

If I could change the past, 

I wouldn't have opened certain doors. 

They say regret is useless. 

Life moves forward if you're lucky.

Why change the past,

When it has already changed you? 

You keep moving forward...

But the past's breath 

Makes the back of your neck moist.

And it catches up to you.

When you look over your shoulder... 

You don't feel your neck start to break, 

But your body starts to turn. 

You're still moving forward

But you're moonwalking.

Blast from the Past

It's nice to know that you still read me Imzadi, and I know that you don't like me to call you that anymore, and honestly I do not even care if you like it or not, as that term is the only thing that will remain unaltered by the time due to his meaning.

"Imzadi" most basically translates as "first", although this term signifies the first person with whom one has shared not only physical intimacy, but spiritual as well. It basically means someone who is very dear to you; a soulmate. It is also used as a term of endearment, bonded in mind, body and spirit, the first lover to touch your soul or spirit as well as your body. 

So the years may go by, the faces in our life may change and change, as we went into different paths, but that, my dear, is something that nor you, nor I, cannot change. 

We might even not admit it, nor like it, but it still stand true today. Yeah, I also feel strange every-time that I say it to you now, just don't feel right anymore, but both of us know very well the lies that life gave us, and we know that the wrongs sometimes are rights and the rights are wrongs, so who cares.

And mind me, as it is with some sweet tenure that I'm now able to revive some sweet moments from an long gone moment in time when the Imzadi term came to live, and if I recall it correctly it was one day in a coffee shop when someone wrote on some-other arm that "Hugo has been here".

Anyway, thanks for the read, at least you still know where I am, and what I'm doing, or at least, what I'm showing to the world - as somethings changed a lot on my end regarding what comes to public or not regarding my self. 

But hey, just remember I have been, and always shall be, your Imzadi. Cheers, love, kisses & thanks to you.

Vê se não vai demorar...

Hoje estou assim, a sentir-me cansado... e as dores de costas também não ajudam nada a causa, mas enfim... amanha é outro dia, para já apeteceu-me rever uma malha que é muito minha e que marcou um período da minha vida - um tempo não impune a erros, impulsos, infidelidades, minhas e de outréns... enfim tempos menos bons (pelo menos na minha óptica de hoje em dia), mas que serviram para me dar a experiência suficiente para não repetir os meus erros passados.

Mas sim, esta malha é muito minha, muito o meu "bora lá", e se continuar a reflectir um pouco mais na cena, até que no dia de hoje até que é bem presente, pois eu estou te esperando, ve se não vais demorar... Seja lá tu quem fores, e venhas pelo que quer que venhas, desde que seja por bem, por mim é na boa.

E pior, se vieres e eu te poder ajudar em algo, nada mais me importa, e não será as minhas tantas marcas e cicatrizes que irão te impedir de cá chegar, pois não te importes comigo, eu sei bem me virar, mesmo que por vezes não pareça. Para já, lembra-te apenas, sabes onde eu estou e por mais escuro que o caminho seja, há sempre uma luz no fundo do túnel, lembra-te...

Quando tá escuro

E ninguém te ouve

Quando chega a noite

E você pode chorar

Há uma luz no túnel

Dos desesperados

Há um cais de porto

Pra quem precisa chegar

Eu tô na lanterna dos afogados

Eu tô te esperando

Vê se não vai demorar

Uma noite longa

Pra uma vida curta

Mas já não me importa

Basta poder te ajudar

E são tantas marcas

Que já fazem parte

Do que eu sou agora

Mas ainda sei me virar

Eu tô na lanterna dos afogados

Eu tô te esperando

Vê se não vai demorar

Uma noite longa

Pra uma vida curta

Mas já não me importa

Basta poder te ajudar

Eu tô na lanterna dos afogados

Eu tô te esperando

Vê se não vai demorar

Reflections, Recounts and Recollections

Today when I was speaking with a recent friend of mine, she is a recent addition to my life, and I even still dunno if we can call ourselves friends, but we're getting along pretty well. Anyway, today we spoke on matters of my recent life that I didn't really gave much thoughts after I surpassed the depression phase that I had after my divorce a lifetime ago, so I started thinking what if I compiled my recent life in songs From Autumn to Ashes, and this is the result... 

Nay... 

I deleted the rest of the post that I was making, I cannot do it, it just do not feel right, those feelings are long gone, or at least I wish they were, as I make or fake a way to push myself from that and those. As it was a really dark time of my life that it's long gone now... 

Even though it was a little odd to open myself this way with someone that's also friend with someone that was the other half of me for years, I did not mind, not think actually, but honestly I do not care, as I'm not afraid, ashamed or anything like that, what I've done in my past it was a way to become what I am today.

The good that I've done, the ones that I loved, the bad that I've done, the ones that I used one way or another was intrinsic part of me, of what I am, and yes I did a lot of crappy things in my past, but I also did good, and in the matters of love, I gave all what I had to give and even more, so why should i be ashamed? 

At least I tried, and though the results might not be the better ones, I did it all, and did it my way. And yes, now I know that my way may not have been the best of choices, but I didn't know different at that time, I wish I did, as I would probably done things differently, but didn't.

And now... now, why to cry over the spilled milk (yes, this Portuguese proverb rules)? It's true, what it's done it's undone, so now all I've got left is to embrace tomorrow with my head held high and not to repeat the same errors that I've done. But that do not exonerate me from making new ones, but gives me the experience to recognize and avoid the ones that I've done in the past.

That's life, living and learning, making errors and making amends, or at least try do do them, but always try. And that is what I've done with this post, it was to be a post full with music and now it's just some Reflections, Recounts and Recollections, so what? At least I tried...

I felt you slip away

Far away from me

Further from me

I felt you slip, away

Caught myself, wishing you back,

As I try to catch you

Anger swells inside me

I see me, frowning, in your eyes

(I see the fear in you, where no one should ever be, I'm here for you, as I try, to guide through)

I see my reflection

And the pain, inside me,

As I find...

As I try, catch you

From

Everything hurts me less and less until I feel nothing!

Anger swells inside me

I see me, frowning in your eyes

Slip away

Far away from me

Further from me

You seem to drift far away

Caught myself wishing you back

As I try

(let's go!)

She said, it's not that, I don't love you anymore, it would be so much more accurate to say, I never loved you in the first place,

Never in the first place,

I put the fear you should ever be

Nothing to me, everything you

Nothing to me, everything you

Nothing to me, everything you

Nothing to me, everything you

(I can't take it anymore when I'm with you I feel like I'm nothing, I feel like I'm nothing, that's why I don't like it when you touch me, that's why I never touch you, that's why I never even think about you, 'cause when I start it reminds me that I'm just not good enough)

You're nothing to me

You're nothing to me

You're nothing to me

You're nothing to me

This is a progression

And you would prefer

The obsolete so leave

Expired

Make room for shorter teeth

You caught me

Sulking and feeling sorry

But this boy

This boy has everything

This boy

This boy has everything he needs

Give yourself over to time and decay

Caged by the freeway

This a progression

You would prefer

The obsolete so leave

Give your self over to time

And decay

And decay

Give yourself over to time

A worse negation of life then death

Is that you'll never want what you get

But failing is just as sweet as success

I've tried them both

And have no preference

So open your eyes and scan the horizon

Pick a direction and don't stop driving

Recounts and recollections

Arguments and objections

Make a connection

Open your eye lid

Scan the horizon

Waking to dream with the brave and defiant

Give yourself over to time and decay

Caged by the freeway

This is a progression

You would prefer

The obsolete

So leave

Give yourself over to time

And decay

And decay

Give yourself over

My self motivation

This scar this badge of honor

My self motivation

This scar this badge of honor

My self motivation

This scar this badge of honor

My self motivation

Is here

Unperfect beings in an imperfect world

Unperfect beings in an imperfect world

Two lovers lost in time, drifting apart through the irony of doom, love or fate. What else could they do when life took them away.

Nothing really matters for them now, the serendipity of live shattered their world in two, making them bliss and fortunate to scatter their chains.

Netherless, they cannot collide anymore, and with it, and within, what should have been a bless, it soon turned into a nightmare.

Two souls relentless and lonely trying to find their missing part, two souls looking for the loss.

Looking, searching, taking placebos to find what that dread happenstance took from them.

But is it all really lost? Are they really undone? Can soulmates die? They are, they are and they can.

Life as we know it isn't simple, life, or better the absence of it, as a life without love isn't no life.

Only in a fairytale one can dreamed a dream where love would never die, as in real life, all you can do is fight to live another day.

Life is cruel, meaningless, and if you do not seize the moment it will all be lost forever in the ether your your soul.

But sometimes, and only sometimes you might get a second chance to put the wrong things right.

Unfortunately, that might not seem the case for our two lovers today, for now they are really just two unperfect beings in an imperfect world.

Ainda estou vivo...

Ainda estou vivo, para quem ainda passar por este meu espaço e ainda esteja interessado em saber. Hoje apetece-me voltar a escrever em Português, muito provavelmente porque ultimamente tenho andado atulhado em projectos de ficção em Inglês, que me estão a dar um gozo tremendo mas que não deixa de ser uma tremenda canseira, pois ter um trabalho diurno e ter um trabalho nocturno de escrita criativa não é pêra doce.

Mas sim, para quem não sabe, (and still cares) estou a escrever o background do jogo Ophidian Wars, e está me a dar um gozo tremendo pertencer a este projecto. E não é tudo, já que estou também a desenvolver outro universo fictício, para uma outra companhia de jogos, totalmente oposta ao Ophidian Wars, e mais uns quantos side-projects.

Enfim, em relação aos meus velhos projectos de escrita, os mesmos não estão esquecidos, apenas me falta o tempo para voltar aos mesmos, mas sim, tenho saudades de escrever a minha novela, e espero um dia destes poder retomar os capítulos que me faltam, pois a historia do Carlos merece ser contada ao mundo. (Para quem não sabe o Carlos é a personagem principal da minha novela "Pedaços de uma Vida (Dis)funcional!")

De resto, tudo na mesma, nada mais a declarar, e alias, não estou com tempo para mais, e como tal, nada de promessas que vou voltar aqui regularmente. Sim, irei voltar, mas quando, logo se vê...